Anger

Message / Question

Dr Dave, I think I have an issue with anger. I don't mean the physical or emotional abusive type. But I have serious problems with anger. What do I do about it?

Response

It’s great to understand that our character struggles are not news to God – He knows every detail of our life, but loves us anyway! It’s true that there are some people who are more easily irritated and angered than others, but if we are honest, we will all find areas in our life where we are likely to struggle. For some, it is in the area of anger, for others it might be fear, or lust, or worries about money.

It is important to understand that anger is a normal human emotion. All forms of anger are not wrong – Jesus certainly expressed anger and we read that God’s anger was fired up on occasions. Unfortunately though, anger can damage relationships and rob us of our joy and even damage our emotional and physical health. Sadly, people tend to justify their anger instead of accepting responsibility for it. I think that it is reasonable to say that everyone struggles, to varying degrees, with anger at times in their life.

Anger can be sin if it stems from pride (James 1:20) or when it is allowed to hang around for too long (Ephesians 4:26-27). Ephesians 4:15-19 tells us to speak the truth in love and use our words to build others up, rather than allow destructive words to pour from our mouth.

The real issue with anger is not simply that you get angry but why you get angry and what you can about it. Understanding why should help you work out how to deal with it.

Think for a moment about God anger and what He does with it. Refer to Rom 5 where Paul writes “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We were God’s enemies, we had rebelled against Him and our ongoing actions gave Him cause to be angry with us. But what did He do? God responded by sending His own son to die in our place, allowing His anger to be “vented” on His own Son instead of us, thus turning anger into love that bring forgiveness to us. I have often said that3 of the greatest words in the English language are love, acceptance and forgiveness, and He exercised all three in what He did through the sacrifice of Jesus.

Our challenge is to imitate Him.

When we feel anger, we identify the cause and remember that cannot control how others act or respond, but we can make the changes that are available on our side to resolve the issue that caused the anger. We need to find strength to do this through prayer, reading God’s Word seeking the power of The Holy Spirit. Perhaps we may have allowed anger to become entrenched in our lives by habitual practice, but we can focus on responding in a more God like manner until that habit is changed and God is glorified.

Try not to allow the thing that makes us feel angry build up until our “fuse” is blown and we respond with anger – deal with it before it reaches critical mass.

There are simply no simple answers or “pills” that can be taken to solve the problem of anger. Dealing with anger is part of the battle in which we engage in the soul (or mind) realm.

One thing that I would strongly recommend – don’t simply suppress anger so it builds up within. Find a Christian (ideally a pastor or pastoral worker) to whom you can talk, not just about the issue of anger, but to “unload” any specific matter that is rising up within you to make you express anger. Just talking about the issue will often bring a huge release that keeps that fuse intact!