Dealing with Pornography addiction

Message / Question

Dr Dave, love the new article on addiction.Especially like when you talked about the fears and damages,on their roles,Christian testimony of their Church,and family life.Sounds like first hand pastoral experience!!!What to do about it?How can pastors ever seek help?How to do it to not affect our priestly call,Church,or family?

Response

Some of my training has been in emotional trauma management and addiction is very closely related in the way that it operates. Hiding an issue is never a good way to deal with it. Someone struggling with this issue needs to able to face it and accept that it's a problem. I suggest that someone in ministry needs to face it and deal with; it may be a "private sin" but it has consequences that affect others - knowingly of not. My suggestion would be that a Christian leader who is struggling with pornography should find someone he respects and to whom he could relate and submit (i.e. to make himself accountable and to heed advice and Godly instruction/counsel). He

say something like "I have a personal issue and need some confidential help and counsel" and, presuming there is a trust relationship, tell him about the issue and heed the counsel given. This is a very hard thing to do, but it is important. I do believe also that, at some point, he needs to discuss the issue with his wife.

For someone who simply can't bring himself to do this, I would suggest that he completes the "Valiant Man" series online www.careforcelifekeys.org

One of the keys in dealing with an addiction is accountability. After taking one of the above steps, it would be good if the person concerned has a couple of close friends, in whom he could confide, and ask them to keep him accountable - give them permission to check to see how he is going and to ask "hard" questions.

One of the problems with pornography is its easy access via computer and media (TV, movies etc) - it makes it such a "private" sin. I suggest that someone struggling with this issue should install a "net nanny" of some kind (a good quality filtering type). I realise that such a device is "easy to get around", but its presence means that the person with the issue would need to take some very deliberate, conscious effort to get around the programme and, if they are genuinely trying to overcome the problem, that conscious act will act as an inhibitor to them and prod their conscience. I suggest that it is also important to only watch TV in a room that is "public" to the family, so that any family member can see what's on TV (if the computer can be put in a more "open" part of the house, that would also help).