Living Together Outside of Marriage

Message / Question

dr dave could you please give me some advice is it appropriate for a boyfriend and girlfriend to live together, as in the same house but not sleep in the same bed. or should this not happen before marriage. whats wrong with it, i dont see what the problem is. cheers

Response

The issue here is to do with appearance and temptation. In principle, there is nothing wrong. Sharing a house with others is common practice and often the house is shared by a mixed gender group. If it’s just one male and one female sharing however, it raises a few issues. The first issue is the impression that it gives to a watching world and the effect that it may have on your testimony. Some people will quote a Scripture: 1 Thes 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. That’s a good principle, however it is a slight mistranslation. The verse actually tells us to keep away from all kinds of evil. So what’s the principle? If “perception” of evil is a form of evil, the mistranslation stands as good advice. These days, a couple living together before or outside of marriage is not uncommon, but it is outside of God’s ways, thus to be avoided by the Christian. So if you are sharing a house/flat, the world makes an assumption and that assumption (even though it is wrong) can damage the testimony that you have, it appears as though you are prepared to break God’s standards in one area of your life, so you obviously do the same in other areas. I understand and accept that you can’t be a held to account for what someone else thinks, but you do have a responsibility to guard your testimony. So one issue is that of your testimony.

The second reason is to do with causing your brother (or sister) to fall by being a stumbling block to them. They see you living together with your girlfriend, so they presume that it’s OK to do so. You tell them that you don’t share a bed, but once again their perception maybe otherwise. It is much better not to risk this happening.

The third reason is the issue of temptation. If you are living under the same roof, then the sexual temptation is obvious.

What it all boils down to is this – it may be quite permissible, but is it wise (refer to 1Cor 10:23). Guard your reputation, don’t cause offense or be a stumbling block and steer clear of temptation.